Friday, May 21, 2004
Da infamous love letter...which i shall delete now...grrr
Dearest Alicia,
After much pondering and tinkering, I’ve taking this step ahead to pen down the thoughts running through my mind and driving me over the edge of sanity itself. I dun know where to begin or end. I dun know whether to laugh or cry. But I do know this letter might either label me crazy or insane. I leave the judgment to you. If you decide to ignore me afterwards, cant blame you…
Love, such a beautiful thing isn’t it? All along I’ve been trying to figure out the real meaning of love. But to no avail my attempts proved futile. All I did was rush through a seemingly never-ending journey of seasonal crushes. I couldn’t distinguish between have and have not, what and whatnot. It’s easy to say I love everyone, but to truly love someone who really makes u go wild, open you up, someone who lights up the darker side of you, someone whom you really adore and crave for, someone who truly accepts you for who you are. I always thought I would not find the “one”. Guess I was wrong. Someone once told me, it’s not wrong to love anyone. I never truly understood that phrase that was until I met you.
In the shortest time that I’ve known you, I felt like I’ve known you for decades. Moments spent with you were enough to last a nostalgia for a lifetime. You are one of the true friends whom I truly adore and care for. If you cry in future and think you are alone, please don’t cause you’re not. You are someone special. To me even words or pictures alone can’t describe you. Just one word “pulchritudinous”.
I know I have done some crazy things and some awfully terrible stuff to you. For that I apologize. I’m sorry if things had to turn out this way. I’ve always treated love by the book. The obsession of the opposite sex, the many quotes I hold unto. But tonight love took a turn. I always wondered what it was like to love and be loved in return by someone special for just one moment. Till today, I still wonder…
I’ve said the same old 3 words to you many times. “I love you”. An ensemble of words destined to either break a heart or fix a heart. I’ve never truly grabbed the meaning of love. After all, what’s love if its 1 sided. I feel guilty for saying all these to you. I am even guiltier for taking you for granted, as it is, not giving you due respect, and most of all for flirting with you even when knowing you had a boyfriend. For that I can never repent.
But I’m awfully glad to let you know that you are the first person who did not turn me down when I needed help, the first not to reject me and the first person I’ve truly learnt to appreciate. Though I was confused all along as to whom I love, I finally found the answer then I saw the stars tonight. As to all these time I’ve only liked and adored you a lot. But as you read this letter, I would like to tell you that I truly love you for who you are and I dun feel sorry for doing so. But love takes two hands to clap. That feeling of love has only begun to develop tonight and it will grow stronger with every day. Though I miss you a lot, sometimes in life, things don’t turn out the way we want them to be. We cant get what we cant all the time. All I want is to love you and be loved by you. But I guess loving each other as friends is at far as it goes. I tried to deny everything and push everything aside but I guess I can’t forget you, as you left a deep imprint on my heart. As to what love bring forth in future, I can’t afford to love another girl for I found a perfect match in you, and memories are all I have to cling on to.
I’m afraid as to what outcome I will face after u read this letter. But I’ve got to move on one day. I hope we will still remain as friends, as to closer than that, I doubt it will ever happen. For true love will take more time, and only when you get to truly know me and like me, then can love bloom. My emotions are now in turmoil. I realized that love is to give and receive and most importantly it’s earned. It’s an insatiable feeling which makes the world go round.
I saw a star beneath the stairs glowing through the melting walls.
Who will be the first to begin their fall?
Or will we become one?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I a ghost upon the stage?
Am I your anything?
I saw a star beneath the stairs glowing bright before descent
and in the morning there is nothing left but what's inside of me.
And I don't want to die tonight; will you believe in me?
And I don't want to fall into the light.
Will you wish upon?
Will you walk upon me?
I don't want to die tonight.
Will you…
Just to let you know, you are the best friend I’ve had, one whom I trust a lot and can’t bear to lose. I am now going on a journey to look on the positive side, to understand yourself and myself better. I look forward to knowing you better in the near future. Last but not least, Thank you for caring for me, being there for me, and seeing the clearer picture always. Hope our friendship will be as good as it last. I can only ask that you forgive me for all I’ve done. Thanks for listening out to my heart. Will await your humble reply.
PS: Dun forget 2nd July HeeeeE
Yours truly,
Adnan…
J A Always.... 8:41 AM
