Sunday, May 30, 2004

[AVE MARIA]

"I am what I am, my identity forsakens me....death wails at me...love beckons my doors...yet amidst all this insanity filled with rage and madness I can only afford a senseless trance in which I go amok and withdraw into a world of emptiness as I ask myself Who am I?"

Have you found the answer to that question yet? Well betta start thinkin..coz who you are..determines everiting u eva believed in.

Juz a short recap....i wanted to write so mani beautiful and putrid moments in life over the past few days but couldnt bring my heart to do so. I guess you could say...wats there left to pen? What more is there to say..when the sayings are all the same..chantings of the veri same scriptures that bellowed out of this veri demised heart of mine. This love will die one way or another, or I shall seek death first n challenge it in the eyes.

Neway...enuff of my sickened and horrendric wailings. I feel rejuvenated nw muahahaa. Though i feel terribly ill for the past two days..hmm tmr shall shed better light for me..afterall...ITS THE HOLIDAYS...time to cruise em beaches.....rock em clubs...terrorise em streets...dan umm...hold all those thoughts haha...I aint goin for ani of those..been sickeniNg....Ive yet to think of what to do..bt i guess..I'll resort to doin sumtin relaxing..perhaps go back n finish up on all those poems..n finish tt darn book...hahaaa!

Dan again...no one know wats goin in me except for me..i juz cant be truthful to the world..well at least im almost truthful here..but dan again..its always the element of surprise..afterall..wat the eyes see the mind believes! So amidst all this contradiction and deception let me hereby exclaim tt Im still sick n unhappy with my life haha..juz like everi other person on this universe. Dan again..tis is juz the negative side of me tryin 2 add in sum salsa..to my 2 cents. On the other hand....im juz tryin realli realli realli hard to forget this gurL arh...well u guys n gurls know who by now la...so dun need 2 ask furthEr....sumhow im still tryin to forge back my old friendships which got ditched along the way..i duno how...it will work out..but hell la...Nutin to do...juz be merciful n compassionate..nutin wrong in being a samaritan!

But 2nite I juz wana share with u peeps a small excerpt or rather..juz a few stanzas...which i would pen down now...on how love has deeply affected me...so here gOeS!

Cherry lips bathed in wine
I eyed them from one to nine
They spoke not Hi or Hello
But bellowed a tune of cello

Her hips swayed so savvy
Oh so slim and curvy
Lust came indefinitely
It knocked me out passionately

A glimpse I threw,
My heartbeat withdrew
For a maiden i witnessed
Bathed in the glory of Venus!

And the rest hahaha....u guys comment first ba...good i finish up...eitherway....tts all i can think of nw........rest of my thoughts havin trouble coming out....all coz of one guRL...yeah like epic of troy..cept im no humble person..juz another deranged psychopath!

Haiz...i still am in love...while she is facing reality...hmmph the beauty of love...once blinded...forever blinded?? hahahaaa

Well eitherwayz...if ani of u lovely people would like to accompany me ani of these fine days for a meal a talk..a show..or aniting..pls do call me out.....haha dan again...who hears tis pleas. Tis is the world today..juz u n urself..all u can trust..URSelf......aRGh enufffff

2 summarize it all....ITE life is over...many lessons were learnt...many theories were tested...n much pain was hurdled through. So to all those who were connected to me in one way or another in ITE...God bless u all and may u all seek the path of light!....well if nt god let Satan do my bidding ahakz!~!

And i shall end 2nite's Chapter with this quote:

"True, we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we are used to loving. There is always some madness in love, but there is also always some reason in madness "
--Friedrich Nietzsche --

So to the woman whom i loved n who called me crazy...well i guess u juz din see the meaning..u are juz happy with the surface...too bad dan..for all your beliefs shall slowly wither like the winter weep.

J A Always.... 11:58 PM