Friday, May 21, 2004
The time is 3:23 pm. A little after mid afternoon. Weather is hot like hell, i am stoned over so mani lil naps here n there my mind cant think straight. As promised here is my final and last tributes as to what foolish measures I have undertook. All I have left are confessions. My ulterior thoughts, every word every thought every moment.
My love for u alicia was the most simplest of all. All I ever wanted was to love n be loved. Was it that hard? My love for you changed me, the first time i felt someting so strong tt i feel weak in your eyes.
I don't wanna know
If your playin me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
This love of mine knows no hope anymore. As far as im concerned, I shall light a funeral pyre for tis love of mine which burns so gloriously on rage.
U have been an object of affinite affection, obsession and lust. But I loved u so much...tt my eyes were blinded totally. How foolish of me, i must be thinking too much. Well i hope u find solace in ur world of empty minded-ness and flounder all your money away. Perhaps u will wake up one day, but Im not taking my time to wait. Im nt perfect, Im no saint, n seriously I aint handsome or got all tt money..u know that..n thats wat u want. I cant give it so too bad its time to pack bag. Looks like my efforts have failed to pry open your heart.
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
My chick on the side said she got one on the way
These are my confessions
Man I'm throwed and I dont know what to do
I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions
If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all
Damn near cried when I got that phone call
I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do
But to give you part 2 of my confessions
I kept dreaming of makin love to you, building a home together, having kids! Haha so many crazy thoughts or how u would teach our daughter how to talk or take her first steps. Yeah baby..was kinda like a prophecy...i juz wana cry when i say all this out. Enuff of the I think 2 much shit, tts the way I am..i guess u cant accept that till today. Love is acceptance..too bad huh?
Sadly though, ive decided to lose hope. I have decided that Im better off without you. Im sick of trying, u cant imagine the torture i go through in my head everi single fucking nite in my dreams. Even when i wake up i see you in front of me. Give me a logical explanation but i won't buy it, coz im blindy in love with u but u cant see it.
In my most machoistic and sadistic form yest night..i dreamt of looking through that sniper scope. And with all thoughts flashing back..of how u made my life so beautiful n complete..i squeezed the trigger..n u died on the spot with a hole in yr head. N i woke up with my arms interlocked the same way a shooter would with a longshot.
Its painful...n im goin crazy Alicia, but i cant carry on animore. This heart of mine cant take it. I have no fear or qualms, but i juz wana end your life so badly...as much as I loved you last time. But hey..i aInt gOd...these are all juz wild thoughts.
But know this for sure, I'll end what i Started. This love of mine does not cease to exist anymore.
Hence I shall end with this note.
Chewy, I love you alot, but even flowers will wither under the command of the snow. Like they say, All good things must come to an END.
So its Astalavista GurL.......("-)
J A Always.... 5:08 PM
